I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pants are for mortals
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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