I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
