Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I faked an abortion last night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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