There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize