Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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