I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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