party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
