New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
