look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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