Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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