i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
