do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
