I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
