Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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