I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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