guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
