she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
