dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
