i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
