dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
