Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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