New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
