So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
