even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
