i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
