first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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