you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
