so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
