Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
