Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
