Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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