we're blogging at a bar
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
