he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
