I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
