Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
