Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
