If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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