i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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