put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
