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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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