i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
