I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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