"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
