Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
