Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
