"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Text me some of your sweat
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
