Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
