worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
