If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
