he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
