Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
